Who am I kidding?
For 3 years let’s just say I’ve been unhappy. I’ve lost so much and gained so little. I’ve cried many nights and laughed a little. I’ve fallen in love only to hear it’s not mutual. I’ve lost loved ones and suffered spiritual confusion. I discovered I didn’t have that many friends, started out with plenty and now unsure of who’s still standing. I’ve died to self over and over again. I’ve sacrificed happiness blowing smoke in the winds. Money came slow but fast it went. Children started acting out and suffering major consequences. The more I begged for the season of unhappiness to stop the more it came. Day in and out it seemed this was my fate. I tried controlling things only to discover I was in the way. So now here I stand in the last days of 2013 feeling like my heart should be heavy with grief but yet I’m celebrating. I decorated my house with lights, wreaths, bells and whistles. Told myself stand up for God is always with me. My heart smiled when it all came together and soon after my home was filled with joy and laughter. Thank God for the new year coming fast. Weeping endured for a night and I declare it’s morning at last.